Doing What I Do Best — Pouring My Heart Onto Paper
On September 29th, I found out I was pregnant. The moment I saw the test, a wave of shock, fear, and overwhelming emotion rushed through my entire body. I was on FaceTime with my best friend, both of us in disbelief. I panicked and texted my man: “I’m pregnant.” He called immediately and said, “I knew you had my baby in there.” He had been saying that for weeks… and he was right.
From that moment, I was frozen. Stuck in disbelief. I couldn’t focus on work, couldn’t think straight. What a blessing that my bestie had called out of work that day, God knew I needed her.
Almost instantly, my mindset shifted. I went into protective mode. I wanted to do everything right, everything possible to keep this baby healthy and strong, even as I was battling my own thoughts and emotions.
That evening, when my man came home, we went straight to the store for prenatals, ginger chews, and saltine crackers. Suddenly, all the fatigue and nausea made sense.
The First Trimester
Our first ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy. We saw the tiniest flicker of a heartbeat, a flutter that made a tear roll down my cheek. But anxiety had such a grip on me that I couldn’t fully be in the moment.
After that appointment, it started to feel real. We talked about the future, how our apartment would soon be filled with baby items, and what the baby shower might look like.
If I’m being completely honest, the first trimester was rough. I was exhausted, food wasn’t the same, and emotionally, I was shut down. My mood swings were intense, and my poor man dealt with a version of me I didn’t even recognize. I had worked so hard to embody softness, love, and feminine energy, and suddenly, it felt like that all went out the window.
He would talk to my belly every morning & night, even when I felt disconnected from my changing body. That kind of love doesn’t go unnoticed.
Losing my rhythm in the gym hit me the hardest. Movement wasn’t just about fitness; it was therapy. It grounded me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. On the days I did move my body, I felt like myself again; aligned, uplifted, whole.
The Ultrasound That Changed Everything
Then came October 30th, exactly one month and a day after finding out I was pregnant. We went in for our second ultrasound, the 8–14 week scan, and the silence in the room was loud.
The moment the machine touched my body, I knew. The tech’s demeanor changed; her pause, her focus, her energy. My heart sank. I looked at my man and whispered with my eyes, something’s wrong.
I had been learning about fetal development week by week, tracking every milestone. Deep down, I knew the baby had stopped growing.
When the doctor walked in, she was compassionate and honest; no sugarcoating, no fluff. Exactly what I needed. She explained everything clearly and answered all our questions.
Walking out of that office, I felt embarrassed, guilty, and heartbroken. All I wanted was my mom, but she’s all the way in Boston. I had to call her with the news, and that’s when I cried, not just from the loss itself, but from having to speak it out loud.
The doctor gave me three options:
Allow the miscarriage to happen naturally
Take medication to induce it
Schedule a D&C procedure
It’s wild… one moment you’re being told your baby’s heart has stopped, and the next you’re handed three options on how to end what you had just started to love.
I’m now on day four of sitting with this news, waiting — hoping — that my body will release naturally. The other two options don’t align with me personally.
Right now, I feel like I’m grieving a breakup; heartbroken, hollow, and raw. My days start slow. I don’t want to face the world. My pregnancy symptoms are fading. My body, which had been changing, is returning to what it was… and somehow, that makes me sad too.
My tops fit again. My chest is smaller. And I feel emptier.
I have client sessions on my schedule, but I don’t feel ready to show up with a smile I can’t fake. I can’t tuck this pain away and pretend everything’s fine. So for now, I’m waiting; patiently, painfully, allowing my body to do what it needs to do.
Divine Signs — How I Know This Was All Part of the Plan
But let me show you how I know this is all part of the plan, even if I can’t fully understand it right now.
My baby shower theme was set to be Cupid. I kept sending Pinterest inspo to my cousin, dreaming up a February baby shower with a Valentine’s theme. If we had a daughter, I wanted her middle name to be Amore, not only because it means love, but because it was a blend of Alyssa Moore and a special nod to my dad.
After receiving this heartbreaking news, I started seeing angel numbers everywhere: 222 and 444.
222 means don’t worry.
444 means protection.
Seeing those numbers reminded me to breathe, to relax, and to trust that I am divinely protected.
On Halloween, the day after we found out, my man took us to a random ice cream shop. The name? Amorino. Cupid-themed. The moment I walked in, I felt comfort wash over me. My angel baby was present, sending me signs. On our walk there and back, we passed a building numbered 4444.
After leaving the doctor’s office, I texted my mom 444. And before the ice cream, my sister and sister-in-law bought us dinner to take one thing off our plate. The delivery driver’s name? Jesus. The time on my phone? 5:55.
555 means change.
It was all divine alignment.
Another sign: my aunt is getting married in 2026 and asked me to be a bridesmaid. FedEx accidentally sent everyone the wrong boxes, and I got the maid of honor box instead of the bridesmaid box. When I broke the FedEx box down for recycling, the flap had the date I found out I was pregnant printed on it.
The Number Above The Date:
7 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 0 + 4 = 18
Then, for the numerological root, we usually keep reducing until we get a single digit:
1 + 8 = 9
So, 723204 → 18 → 9
Spiritual meaning of 9: The number 9 represents completion, closure, wisdom, and release. It’s often a sign that a chapter is coming full circle — not in a negative sense, but in a soulful, “it’s time to let go and rise higher” way.
When you see or calculate a number that reduces to 9, the message is often:
“You’ve learned what you needed to learn here. It’s time to release, forgive, and prepare for a new cycle.”
The Date:
9 + 2 + 9 + 2 + 5 = 27
Then reduce: 2 + 7 = 9
So again, this date vibrates to the number 9.
A huge shoutout to my cousin for bringing this to my attention.
The 9 vibration is all about endings, release, forgiveness, and closure. A full-circle energy that clears space for a new cycle. It’s not just about something ending, but about transmuting it into wisdom, compassion, and spiritual growth.
It’s the vibration of:
Completion of a karmic or emotional chapter
Healing through surrender and acceptance
Transformation after a deep lesson
Preparing for rebirth (the next “1” cycle)
The baby currently in my womb, waiting to be released, I am naming Cupid.
My little angel baby. Sent here for a reason, one that I may not understand yet, but I trust is sacred.
What I’ve Learned in This Waiting
One thing I can’t stand hearing is, “You can try again.”
I’m not the type of woman who tries to have a baby. That’s not how my soul works. I believe in divine timing — if it happens, it happens. And it did.
Even though it didn’t unfold the way I imagined, I find peace in knowing it unfolded exactly as it was meant to. One of my biggest fears during pregnancy was miscarrying. Maybe, on some level, I even sensed it coming. Maybe my worry manifested it. I don’t know. There’s so much we question when we’re working through acceptance.
Writing this is my way of processing; a brain dump for my soul. But also, I want to share this with my LIMITLYSS community, and with any woman who’s experiencing the same heartbreak, to remind you that you are not alone.
Because hearing other women’s stories has brought me so much comfort.
Fact: 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage.
So please be kind to others. You never know what someone is silently carrying. I’m walking around Target or grabbing breakfast, patiently waiting for my body to release this baby. Every bit of wetness makes me panic, thinking it’s blood. I’m scared to be out for more than two hours, not knowing when it might begin.
To the women who have shared their stories — you’ve helped me heal.
To my mom — your strength means more to me now than ever.
To my family and friends — thank you for your gentle check-ins, love, and patience.
To My Man
Thank you for creating a little angel baby with me, a baby we didn’t get to meet here physically, but one who still changed us forever.
Thank you for holding me every time the tears hit, for staying steady even when I’m not. For listening to all my research and wild thoughts, for letting me process the unexplainable.
You’re brave.
You’re love.
What we created together was love itself — it just came to us in a different, angelic form.
A Final Note of Gratitude
Before closing, I want to thank my mom for sending us this beautiful keepsake box! Something I’ll cherish forever. Inside it is my pregnancy test, ultrasound photo, and a message that touched our souls.
